Update number 2:
So I'm feeling more and more normal after taking this drug for a while. It's as if whenever I feel wierd sensations I can almost tell the awareness is flowing back out. It sounds wierd but I feel like I still feel much better about myself and my situation than I did before all this started. Not surprising I suppose, this is typical of survivors of near death experiences.
On the research front, I've been approaching the experience from the direction of spiritual and religious traditions and scientific research. Shall ever the twain meet? Even before all this I felt myself somewhat called to exploring the murky interaction (or inaction) between mind and brain. I naturally gravitate more towards the scientific empirical side, but religious and spiritual traditions have time (a lot of time) on their side. Ultimately isn't science just another kind of religion, with its untested faith in the "objective truth" as the best truth? Ok, this isn't an original idea but still.
On the religious front (if you count reading articles on wikipedia as religious) it seems that in other yogic meditation traditions that aren't vipassana, the third eye has definete signifigance as a "chakra" as does the top of the head, as does a region near the heart. I felt sensations in all these areas. I understand that vipassana would have people stay on the surface until they are ready to go deeper, but the fact that it is possible to go deeper, to feel "energy flows" or "wave vibrations" is itself completely amazing to me: Part of me still doesn't understand how to interpret what I felt. But this inability hopefully is not a negative thing, as it will reconnect me to the world and to my friends, to their interpretations and their questions. All I can do is act right, everything else is not in my hands.
You could say this entry seems kind of pointless, and the former me might have scrapped it entirely as a rambling. But now my attitude is such that I don't mind the rambling, let it come as it may, I'd rather have that than the constant negativity and impossibly high standards I set for myself and others before.
So I'm feeling more and more normal after taking this drug for a while. It's as if whenever I feel wierd sensations I can almost tell the awareness is flowing back out. It sounds wierd but I feel like I still feel much better about myself and my situation than I did before all this started. Not surprising I suppose, this is typical of survivors of near death experiences.
On the research front, I've been approaching the experience from the direction of spiritual and religious traditions and scientific research. Shall ever the twain meet? Even before all this I felt myself somewhat called to exploring the murky interaction (or inaction) between mind and brain. I naturally gravitate more towards the scientific empirical side, but religious and spiritual traditions have time (a lot of time) on their side. Ultimately isn't science just another kind of religion, with its untested faith in the "objective truth" as the best truth? Ok, this isn't an original idea but still.
On the religious front (if you count reading articles on wikipedia as religious) it seems that in other yogic meditation traditions that aren't vipassana, the third eye has definete signifigance as a "chakra" as does the top of the head, as does a region near the heart. I felt sensations in all these areas. I understand that vipassana would have people stay on the surface until they are ready to go deeper, but the fact that it is possible to go deeper, to feel "energy flows" or "wave vibrations" is itself completely amazing to me: Part of me still doesn't understand how to interpret what I felt. But this inability hopefully is not a negative thing, as it will reconnect me to the world and to my friends, to their interpretations and their questions. All I can do is act right, everything else is not in my hands.
You could say this entry seems kind of pointless, and the former me might have scrapped it entirely as a rambling. But now my attitude is such that I don't mind the rambling, let it come as it may, I'd rather have that than the constant negativity and impossibly high standards I set for myself and others before.
posted by xylophonehands at 6:31 PM
1 Comments:
I'm really glad you've been writing updates here and of course it's great that you're feeling better.
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